Post by Kitten on Jun 19, 2005 13:25:40 GMT -5
Friday -March 4-
The dreams came again, they haunt me more and more now. I can still feel the cold grip on my skin, the bite of glass as I desperately tried to fight my way out. I remember the cold of ice against my slashed hands as I pounded on it for freedom. I can taste the fear in my heart that has permanently taken up residence there. I can't talk to Emily about it anymore, all she says is that I should be taking my pills. More meds...ugh! I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a doped up half living state. Besides what did medicine ever do for the mystically fucked anyway, but fuck us up that much more. I KNOW I'm not insane...just different. I am different...a little eccentric maybe but I am definately NOT crazy.
Okay, Maybe I am a little bit crazy....because to be fascinated by a stranger who I don't even have a name too is a bit insane. Not like an enchanted fascination to someone I think is cute....not like a siren's call drove men to their deaths by its arousing beauty. No this fascination is more like that to someone I want to concider friend. A pull to something I know is mystical in some form, or perhaps I'm just imagining things again. But I know what I felt....he was an interesting character....The Jungle King...thats what I'm going to refer to him as. Because he reminded me of those years I spent in the jungle....he had a power, a commanding force to him as well....Like a ruler. He was different and in that difference, fascinating....like the beautiful nature of this world. I found I couldn't hate him like I hate the rest of the world....I didn't even know him. Perhaps it had a lot to do with how gentle he was to the adorable bubbly if not a bit spacy woman. Okay, so she was more so completely out of this world but in that she had a child like personality that was interesting and charming.
She was a little out of it, when I met her...thinking that my dark art actually moved. So I told her it was a special sketch book, and that for some people it did strange fascinating things. Okay....so it was a made up story, but she appealed to the side of me that had wanted to an art teacher to children...and i just didn't have the tell her the truth. Why not tell the elaborate to bring a amused smile to her face than destroy what she felt was something interesting. Its like telling a faerytale to a young child, giving to them a whole new world of fascinating things. Fascinating things they believe is true...and in some cases...some are true...but most adults don't believe such things.
I grew up without my faerytales...or the fantasies that children keep to heart. No I grew up in a cold world that I'd have given anything to be away from. I guess I'm just compensating for what I never had, but if I can give that to someone else...I'll be all the more happy for it.
Now my fair diary, I have written what secrets I may this night...and must bid you a soft fairwell. Till I write in your blank pages next.
-Saphryn....
With a parting note...I leave you this:
Nightmare Demons....
I stand on the edge of reality
fearing the world beyond sleep
where nightmares run rampant
and dreams seem to be lost
I am here just a step from wakefulness
here where the fears lie in ambush
for the moment that I close my eyes
when the world fades away to darkness
I fear what lies there in the deep
where the dreams fall away
leaving only that which lies
deadly in the depths of my soul.
Trapped in a place where angels don't sing
Where even the damned don't venture
a place so cold that winter shatters
the depths of my own troubled mind.
exhaustion has finally settled in
I have no choice but then to drift
close my eyes to embrace the destiny
face my own demons as they devour my soul.
Logged
Kittenmuse
Council
member is online
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 114
The Realm of Shattered Dreams (Saphryn)
« Reply #1 on Mar 6, 2005, 2:31pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday -March 6-
Sleep is evading my attempts to grasp it. I can't seem to close my eyes without my mind playing tricks on me. I can't make the mental images it created go away. A picture painted in the surreal, but so damn real that I can't help but fear it. Those boys....as screwed up and dumbass as they may have been, they didn't deserve what they got. The story haunts me straight to my soul, what has Jake's sister gotten herself into. What darkness controls her soul now.
I'm in trouble, I know. Once the man that was there or Jake's sister finds out that I know anything....that I'm Jake's source...they'll come after me. I may still be safe...but why take that chance. I'm going to arm myself, and train myself a little better. Maybe have Jake escort me home from work...and close the store a little earlier. No more walks in the dark for me....Okay yeah I know I'm paranoid as hell. But better to run from the shadows than be swollowed up by them. No I won't let them control me....I will not let my fear eat me alive...I'm just going to be a little more cautious from now one. Atleast until this dies down...and there's no chance anymore that I'll be named as Jake's informant. Oh Spirits...I hope he's able to keep my secrets. I also hope this doesn't happen again....the last thing I want to end up as is an informant for the police....using my uniqueness to solve crimes. Its not that I don't want them to be solved....I just don't want to live forever in fear that some ass will find out that I'm the one thats 'talking to the dead' and getting the clues. I also don't want to end up in any papers ever again. The media is a nightmare....one that haunts and hounds until there is no strength left to fight them.....then they bleed you for everything you have like leeches. Kill the beauty of you....until there's nothing but a shriveled little corpse of what used to be a good story...or a great person. Yeah...fuck that! I am soooooo not dealing with that again. Been there...done that...not again.
Anyway, Journal...I best stop ranting in these pages. I can't afford to place to much of my secrets here.
I leave you with one last thing:
Hold me while I cry
let the tears flow from my soul
drown me in my own damnation
watch me fall from this pedestal
Chain me as I fade
let the world turn crimson
bury me in flesh and bone
laugh at my true folly.
Take a step in the right direction
turn the world around in a blink
make everything perfect in your eyes
because I'm the condemned patchwork girl
the puppet of your dreams
dancing in hell just for you.
Dream of me in your silent reverie
bodies dancing in a new formation
Kiss me with faked innocence
Caress the dead work you've created
Scream my name in your sleep
hearts beating in unison a perfect melody
Cover your ears against the noise
Listen as I sing your ending
Take a step in the right direction
turn the world around in a blink
make everything perfect in your eyes
because I'm the condemned patchwork girl
the puppet of your dreams
dancing in hell just for you.
Kiss the dead lips of damnation
caress the cold skin of oblivion
Bury the passion deep in the frozen soul
Dance the lovers story to breath life into me
Come wake up your stitched creation...
Take a step in the right direction
turn the world around in a blink
make everything perfect in your eyes
because I'm the condemned patchwork girl
the puppet of your dreams
dancing in hell just for you.
Love,
Saph.
**With that...Saphryn returned the book to its hiding place...**
Logged
Kittenmuse
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member is online
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 114
Re: The Realm of Shattered Dreams (Saphryn)
« Reply #2 on Mar 22, 2005, 8:15pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 22 -Tuesday-
Journal,
Oh the days have passed since I've scribbled in your pages, I guess its high time I update you on the happenings of my life. For the most part things have been as they usually are, complicated to the point of abject chaos, but when isn't my life such. Lets start with....the night I took Emily back to the air port. My oh my, was it ever busy there, people waiting in line forever it seemed. Well as I was walking past a particular line that was waiting for a taxi, I was noticed by a man....well I think my tattoos were more so noticed. He commented to me about them, and we got to talking. I gave him a ride to a hotel, but he is the oddest of men I've ever met. I think he's like me, death clings to him too....and he speaks of many things that I know. Maybe...someone new to help me? I don't know. His name was Uriah....he was a doctor. He's running from something, and this place makes him nervous. Maybe its all the power and mystical things that here stand...or the fact that what one of my masters called the veil...is thinner here. I'm not entirely sure.
I saw him in Japan too, but that I will save till I explain how I managed to get to Japan. Anyway, back to the man...so I took him to the Hotel...Oh I feel so bad. I dragged him to come sit with me and Jake...while he and his wife fought...err...Jake that is. I didn't help much, because after that Jake and I got into a fight...I left. I will not deal with Jake's attitude...I asked Uriah about his life. He has a girlfriend...she's very lovely, Journal...and he's very lucky.
So Jake and I fought again after that, I just wish Jake would understand...it hurt finding out that he never said anything about me. I guess I'm being a silly girl on that, but I do have feelings too. Damnit! But I won't dwell on that any more than those few words. Anyway, after that I felt like I wanted to spend some time in the museum, oh glorious how that turned out. I ended up chasing after Petra, tripping through body parts and blood....and it was not fun. I don't remember what happened after that, but I remember....being with Petra in some dark place in the Museum. Next thing I know...I wake up in Japan in the lair of the Kitty cats. Everything seemed okay then, but a little weird. I went to the temple there, to visit old friends...I discovered something quite interesting. Jake's sister had been taken there to be helped, she was not fairing so well. A head wound, much like my own, but hers stole more of her memory. I'm rather glad that all I told her was Angel, and not my actual name. Call me paranoid, but that girls got issues and she's got trouble connected to her with a nice iron chain. I haven't told Jake yet, I'm wondering if I even should...of course if he finds out himself, he'll have my head on a platter served for dinner.
Apon arriving home though, I spent some time at the shop. One of the nights I was there, I was most interested to find out just how much of a magnet for weird people I am. First Giant Cats....and now Ghosties. Well I knew I attracted Ghosts, but these are different. They're higher up apparitions...more powerful. I think I made friends. Yes I know, Journal, the sillyness that is involved in making friends out of dead people. By all means lock me up now.
One of them tried to do something, I think he called it skinriding....sounds like a very twisted love game but it felt odd...I didn't cooperate at first...so he gave up his attempt. He had his friend come talk me into playing for him though. Of course he showed himself eventually, but just before I could play...another woman came up. Ms. Tabitha...She was all right. Pretty decent for a human...I talked to her some. After that I went for a walk, unfortunately, against my better judgement...I listened to the draw of the 'haunt' and found where my ghostly companions were staying. Pip was the one that did the skinride...Syn is the one that talked me into playing for Pip. It was a dirty nasty place...but I'm working on fixing that up. It looks much cleaner now. Pip and I've been spending time together, getting know each other. Although this friendship does much depress me, I am glad for it. More than I think anyone will ever know. I did tell Jake and I'm sure he's concerned about my choices in friendships these days. After all how many of the people you love do you know talk to dead people on a daily basis now.
I brought some of my art over, and I'm thinking of turning this into a safe haven for myself....as I did just that for my ghostly friends by renting the place. Of course the manager was worried about me. Saying I must be one psycho chick to withstand the horrors of this apartment....Maybe...Maybe, Journal...Maybe thats exactly what I am. A silly Psycho chick with major issues. But I'm atleast learning to work through those issues. Thank you Pip. I much appreciate it all.
Till next I find these pages once more to place apon them in ink the thoughts that haunt my mind.
Saphryn.
Logged
The dreams came again, they haunt me more and more now. I can still feel the cold grip on my skin, the bite of glass as I desperately tried to fight my way out. I remember the cold of ice against my slashed hands as I pounded on it for freedom. I can taste the fear in my heart that has permanently taken up residence there. I can't talk to Emily about it anymore, all she says is that I should be taking my pills. More meds...ugh! I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a doped up half living state. Besides what did medicine ever do for the mystically fucked anyway, but fuck us up that much more. I KNOW I'm not insane...just different. I am different...a little eccentric maybe but I am definately NOT crazy.
Okay, Maybe I am a little bit crazy....because to be fascinated by a stranger who I don't even have a name too is a bit insane. Not like an enchanted fascination to someone I think is cute....not like a siren's call drove men to their deaths by its arousing beauty. No this fascination is more like that to someone I want to concider friend. A pull to something I know is mystical in some form, or perhaps I'm just imagining things again. But I know what I felt....he was an interesting character....The Jungle King...thats what I'm going to refer to him as. Because he reminded me of those years I spent in the jungle....he had a power, a commanding force to him as well....Like a ruler. He was different and in that difference, fascinating....like the beautiful nature of this world. I found I couldn't hate him like I hate the rest of the world....I didn't even know him. Perhaps it had a lot to do with how gentle he was to the adorable bubbly if not a bit spacy woman. Okay, so she was more so completely out of this world but in that she had a child like personality that was interesting and charming.
She was a little out of it, when I met her...thinking that my dark art actually moved. So I told her it was a special sketch book, and that for some people it did strange fascinating things. Okay....so it was a made up story, but she appealed to the side of me that had wanted to an art teacher to children...and i just didn't have the tell her the truth. Why not tell the elaborate to bring a amused smile to her face than destroy what she felt was something interesting. Its like telling a faerytale to a young child, giving to them a whole new world of fascinating things. Fascinating things they believe is true...and in some cases...some are true...but most adults don't believe such things.
I grew up without my faerytales...or the fantasies that children keep to heart. No I grew up in a cold world that I'd have given anything to be away from. I guess I'm just compensating for what I never had, but if I can give that to someone else...I'll be all the more happy for it.
Now my fair diary, I have written what secrets I may this night...and must bid you a soft fairwell. Till I write in your blank pages next.
-Saphryn....
With a parting note...I leave you this:
Nightmare Demons....
I stand on the edge of reality
fearing the world beyond sleep
where nightmares run rampant
and dreams seem to be lost
I am here just a step from wakefulness
here where the fears lie in ambush
for the moment that I close my eyes
when the world fades away to darkness
I fear what lies there in the deep
where the dreams fall away
leaving only that which lies
deadly in the depths of my soul.
Trapped in a place where angels don't sing
Where even the damned don't venture
a place so cold that winter shatters
the depths of my own troubled mind.
exhaustion has finally settled in
I have no choice but then to drift
close my eyes to embrace the destiny
face my own demons as they devour my soul.
Logged
Kittenmuse
Council
member is online
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 114
The Realm of Shattered Dreams (Saphryn)
« Reply #1 on Mar 6, 2005, 2:31pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday -March 6-
Sleep is evading my attempts to grasp it. I can't seem to close my eyes without my mind playing tricks on me. I can't make the mental images it created go away. A picture painted in the surreal, but so damn real that I can't help but fear it. Those boys....as screwed up and dumbass as they may have been, they didn't deserve what they got. The story haunts me straight to my soul, what has Jake's sister gotten herself into. What darkness controls her soul now.
I'm in trouble, I know. Once the man that was there or Jake's sister finds out that I know anything....that I'm Jake's source...they'll come after me. I may still be safe...but why take that chance. I'm going to arm myself, and train myself a little better. Maybe have Jake escort me home from work...and close the store a little earlier. No more walks in the dark for me....Okay yeah I know I'm paranoid as hell. But better to run from the shadows than be swollowed up by them. No I won't let them control me....I will not let my fear eat me alive...I'm just going to be a little more cautious from now one. Atleast until this dies down...and there's no chance anymore that I'll be named as Jake's informant. Oh Spirits...I hope he's able to keep my secrets. I also hope this doesn't happen again....the last thing I want to end up as is an informant for the police....using my uniqueness to solve crimes. Its not that I don't want them to be solved....I just don't want to live forever in fear that some ass will find out that I'm the one thats 'talking to the dead' and getting the clues. I also don't want to end up in any papers ever again. The media is a nightmare....one that haunts and hounds until there is no strength left to fight them.....then they bleed you for everything you have like leeches. Kill the beauty of you....until there's nothing but a shriveled little corpse of what used to be a good story...or a great person. Yeah...fuck that! I am soooooo not dealing with that again. Been there...done that...not again.
Anyway, Journal...I best stop ranting in these pages. I can't afford to place to much of my secrets here.
I leave you with one last thing:
Hold me while I cry
let the tears flow from my soul
drown me in my own damnation
watch me fall from this pedestal
Chain me as I fade
let the world turn crimson
bury me in flesh and bone
laugh at my true folly.
Take a step in the right direction
turn the world around in a blink
make everything perfect in your eyes
because I'm the condemned patchwork girl
the puppet of your dreams
dancing in hell just for you.
Dream of me in your silent reverie
bodies dancing in a new formation
Kiss me with faked innocence
Caress the dead work you've created
Scream my name in your sleep
hearts beating in unison a perfect melody
Cover your ears against the noise
Listen as I sing your ending
Take a step in the right direction
turn the world around in a blink
make everything perfect in your eyes
because I'm the condemned patchwork girl
the puppet of your dreams
dancing in hell just for you.
Kiss the dead lips of damnation
caress the cold skin of oblivion
Bury the passion deep in the frozen soul
Dance the lovers story to breath life into me
Come wake up your stitched creation...
Take a step in the right direction
turn the world around in a blink
make everything perfect in your eyes
because I'm the condemned patchwork girl
the puppet of your dreams
dancing in hell just for you.
Love,
Saph.
**With that...Saphryn returned the book to its hiding place...**
Logged
Kittenmuse
Council
member is online
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 114
Re: The Realm of Shattered Dreams (Saphryn)
« Reply #2 on Mar 22, 2005, 8:15pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 22 -Tuesday-
Journal,
Oh the days have passed since I've scribbled in your pages, I guess its high time I update you on the happenings of my life. For the most part things have been as they usually are, complicated to the point of abject chaos, but when isn't my life such. Lets start with....the night I took Emily back to the air port. My oh my, was it ever busy there, people waiting in line forever it seemed. Well as I was walking past a particular line that was waiting for a taxi, I was noticed by a man....well I think my tattoos were more so noticed. He commented to me about them, and we got to talking. I gave him a ride to a hotel, but he is the oddest of men I've ever met. I think he's like me, death clings to him too....and he speaks of many things that I know. Maybe...someone new to help me? I don't know. His name was Uriah....he was a doctor. He's running from something, and this place makes him nervous. Maybe its all the power and mystical things that here stand...or the fact that what one of my masters called the veil...is thinner here. I'm not entirely sure.
I saw him in Japan too, but that I will save till I explain how I managed to get to Japan. Anyway, back to the man...so I took him to the Hotel...Oh I feel so bad. I dragged him to come sit with me and Jake...while he and his wife fought...err...Jake that is. I didn't help much, because after that Jake and I got into a fight...I left. I will not deal with Jake's attitude...I asked Uriah about his life. He has a girlfriend...she's very lovely, Journal...and he's very lucky.
So Jake and I fought again after that, I just wish Jake would understand...it hurt finding out that he never said anything about me. I guess I'm being a silly girl on that, but I do have feelings too. Damnit! But I won't dwell on that any more than those few words. Anyway, after that I felt like I wanted to spend some time in the museum, oh glorious how that turned out. I ended up chasing after Petra, tripping through body parts and blood....and it was not fun. I don't remember what happened after that, but I remember....being with Petra in some dark place in the Museum. Next thing I know...I wake up in Japan in the lair of the Kitty cats. Everything seemed okay then, but a little weird. I went to the temple there, to visit old friends...I discovered something quite interesting. Jake's sister had been taken there to be helped, she was not fairing so well. A head wound, much like my own, but hers stole more of her memory. I'm rather glad that all I told her was Angel, and not my actual name. Call me paranoid, but that girls got issues and she's got trouble connected to her with a nice iron chain. I haven't told Jake yet, I'm wondering if I even should...of course if he finds out himself, he'll have my head on a platter served for dinner.
Apon arriving home though, I spent some time at the shop. One of the nights I was there, I was most interested to find out just how much of a magnet for weird people I am. First Giant Cats....and now Ghosties. Well I knew I attracted Ghosts, but these are different. They're higher up apparitions...more powerful. I think I made friends. Yes I know, Journal, the sillyness that is involved in making friends out of dead people. By all means lock me up now.
One of them tried to do something, I think he called it skinriding....sounds like a very twisted love game but it felt odd...I didn't cooperate at first...so he gave up his attempt. He had his friend come talk me into playing for him though. Of course he showed himself eventually, but just before I could play...another woman came up. Ms. Tabitha...She was all right. Pretty decent for a human...I talked to her some. After that I went for a walk, unfortunately, against my better judgement...I listened to the draw of the 'haunt' and found where my ghostly companions were staying. Pip was the one that did the skinride...Syn is the one that talked me into playing for Pip. It was a dirty nasty place...but I'm working on fixing that up. It looks much cleaner now. Pip and I've been spending time together, getting know each other. Although this friendship does much depress me, I am glad for it. More than I think anyone will ever know. I did tell Jake and I'm sure he's concerned about my choices in friendships these days. After all how many of the people you love do you know talk to dead people on a daily basis now.
I brought some of my art over, and I'm thinking of turning this into a safe haven for myself....as I did just that for my ghostly friends by renting the place. Of course the manager was worried about me. Saying I must be one psycho chick to withstand the horrors of this apartment....Maybe...Maybe, Journal...Maybe thats exactly what I am. A silly Psycho chick with major issues. But I'm atleast learning to work through those issues. Thank you Pip. I much appreciate it all.
Till next I find these pages once more to place apon them in ink the thoughts that haunt my mind.
Saphryn.
Logged